Thought Refuge

It seems as if I am constantly reassuring myself that things are going to get better. And yet I wish that I did not have to reassure myself every morning, and every night. I do not want sleep to be my only escape for the rest of my life. When I am awake, I cannot escape from myself. These thoughts never seem to cease, and yet it is the same thoughts that run through my mind every single day. I am tired of searching, why can't I just be found. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant and simple-minded. I wish I could spend at least one minute of my day without any thoughts. It is about time I stopped worrying and started living. I have to build a dam around my heart just to keep these emotions from storming into what I have already built up. And let me tell you my dam is not as strong as it once was. Who is going to be there for me when I need help getting myself off the ground when my dam breaks? I just want to be able to accept what is and what will be. I am sick and tired of things falling into place only to have them ripped from my griping hands. What's the point of living with an open heart--an overflowing one, at that--and an open, understanding mind? Why, if it only hurts me in the end?

Lost time is never found again

Life expectancy for a male and female in the United States is estimated to be seventy five years. One year has three hundred and sixty five days in it, one week has seven, one day has twenty four hours in it, and the average dream lasts a total of three seconds. Time is of the essence in our short lives. We must not take what we have for granted because the clock never stops ticking. Even I am guilty for letting time pass through my hands like sand. We still have time for change however. I believe it is time we stop waging war and start waging peace. I think it's time to take the politicians out of politics. I think it's time to take the celebrities out of the spotlight. And I think it's time for everyday people to rise to the occasion and get an opinion. It is about time we extend our hands to the fallen, and live for the lost. As morbid as it sounds we can sleep when were dead, it is now that was must live. The average dream lasts a total of three seconds. I hope mine lasts longer.

Self Thought

I'm not sure there is a deeper meaning behind what life is, maybe what is now, is all there is. There isn't and doesn't need to be an answer for everything.

"Maybe we just exist, we live, we die, and we are gone forever.
And I would be okay with that.
So that's why I'm making this one count."
- Bonnie

I write from a place of self thought. I'm a believer in self. I get my strength from within. I do what I believe is right, not to impress you, not for you to like me, not for you to judge. I think for myself. It's my right, I'm going to breathe while the air is clean, and live while I'm still alive. I don't know why I think the way I do sometimes. I scare myself. I guess I'm just used to being the Jonny that everybody knows. The sometimes funny sometimes not and always loving person I've become. I take peoples words to heart. I think it's about time that I found something that's worth living for. I want to be passionate enough to die fighting for it. But I don't have it all figured out, and I know I don't. As one of my favorite authors once said; Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct.

Carpe diem

Lets face it we can only seize the day for so long. We have to at some point start thinking about what lies ahead of us. John M. Richardson, Jr. states his look on the future he believes that when it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened. I am going to be the one that makes it happen. Often people worry about the journey ahead of them but if you recall moments of the past you can absorb the lessons and experiences learned and invest them into your future. Don't look to person to the left or right of you to guide you to success or happiness. At some point you have to realize that your on your own. As frightening as it may be you're alone no matter what. As juvenile as it sounds you have to make goals for yourself. I for one have made a goal for myself, it is to make someones life just that much easier, to ease the pain of an individual, to make rough times not so rough. I want to be a psychologist, and I'm willing to go that extra mile to achieve so. They say to make your goals achievable and realistic. Maybe mine is one of great multitude, but I'm going to make it happen. We have to at some point look to the future; it is after all where we will be spending the rest of our lives.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life

I've always told myself that before I pass away I want to have changed, fixed, or made something better in todays society. I want to make sure my name is instilled into the hearts and minds of those still living when my time comes. I don't mean to write about depressing things but this has been on my mind and I want to get it out. As you can tell I have lots of things on my mind, and this is just one of the many. I guess I really started thinking about death when I read that no American has died of old age since 1951, that just shows what kind of a society we live in. We no longer can die naturally, and that frightens me. I always find myself telling people how much they mean to me, I really enjoy telling people how important they are. I think it's my way of making sure people don't forget what I think of them. I often find myself telling people that they are amazing and not to let anyone tell them different, and I stand by that. All of us are amazing, even if you think your not, you are in someones eyes. It's a good idea to tell people as many times as possible what they mean to you because you'll never know when or if you'll see that person again. I read a quote the other day that stated...

"Yesterday is History.
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That's why we call it the PRESENT."

And that is honestly how I try to live my life.
Forget the past,
and don't worry about the future,
Just live today.
Remember we wont be here forever.