I believe in us

Love is simple in concept, but in actuality its quite complex. Our hearts have depths so vast that despite our best efforts we still come up short as we try to understand them.

- Hearts Last Surrender

Fear

I’m only afraid of one thing, but the concept is so beyond me that I only allow myself to think about it every so often. I couldn’t function properly if it was a constant.

Life, potentially, is meaningless. everything I do could be a waste of time.

When my brain tries to wrap itself around that idea, my heart begins to race. I start to sweat. My vision blurs. I get this reaction from nothing else.

I go to school. I go to class for hours upon hours, because learning about things that other people did will get me a degree. I want a degree because a degree will get me more money. I want money because money is needed to survive in society. I want a career to sustain this cash flow, because I want to buy things that I may or may not need for years and years and years. I want to be well-known through my career, and I want to be powerful, and I want be successful.

I’m convinced that the presence of someone important in my life will give me happiness. Because when I meet this person, I will be complete. We will live together for years and years and years and we will spend the money that I make with my degree. Along the way, I will travel to exotic places and make many new friends. They will be important, but this person will be the most important. We will be in love, and love is what makes a person feel complete.

And that will be life.

That will be life. That’s life. And that is what terrifies me.

What’s the point? Why do I want to be successful? Why do I want to be in love? I can’t take money to my grave, and I can’t keep a relationship when i’m dead. Those are the goals i’ve chosen for my life. Why do I even consider them important?

At the end of the day, I have no idea what we’re all working towards. I have no idea why we’re here. The significance of some events is beyond me. But this spurs me to think that there has to be more to life. That perhaps i’m missing something. That perhaps i’m just being a cynic. That my confidence does not come from having nothing to lose, but because I will change something by acting this way. That perhaps one day i will realize what it’s all about.

But I can’t help have the overwhelming feeling in the back of my head that all of my actions are in vain. And that is really what’s so frightening.

Progress

I recently listened to a song by a band called Goot called Progress, never has a song touched me so much. To listen to it please visit:

http://www.myspace.com/goot

Lyrics:

We live, we die,
we go out of our minds,
we talk about planets,
we laugh, we cry,
we keep track of the time,
and how we take it for granted.
we're moving forward,
we're doing fine,
we're making progress with our lives,
but do we even know why,
get up, get out,
you'll stay here forever,
do we know why?
we've got to make progress.
we're making progress.
today.

It's still alive

Yesterday at the doctor I over heard an elderly woman in a wheelchair tell a man "oh i'm going to live for a long time". It's that kind of optimism you don't see these days.

- I'm so sorry for not keeping up with my blog, school has over powered my life. I'm going to do my best to get my site going again. Thank you for all your support.

Writing for the sake of living

There is no expiration date stapled to out foreheads, the amount of time we spend on this earth is never definite. Today could well likely be your last.

"In Ancient Greece it was a practice of philosophers to keep a human skull on their desk. The idea was; only with a constant awareness of or impending death can we appreciate our lives."
- Catacombs

I have heard so many ways to live: for every second, for every day, for every memory, for the future, for the past. But when it all comes down to it, there is only one way to live your life. Live it for yourself, do what you want to do. Live how you want to live. It is your life. I will admit that times get hard, but that is when you remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day and another chance to wake up at peace in a sea of ease.

My life story

Someday when I have experienced all there is to experience and my eyes have seen all that can be seen, I would like to sit down with someone and tell them the story of my life without leaving any details out. I believe that thoughts are the minds heartbeats so during this conversation I hope to spill them like an EKG in the hospital. I’d share with this individual what my life was like behind the scenes. The dam around my heart as mentioned in my previous post will be torn down and my emotions will surge out like a raging river. I want to make sure my words do not go untold. I anticipate that at some point during this conversation I share what my wedding was like, even if this conversation does not entail one I won’t mind. I am not afraid of being alone, because as quoted from an outside source, “if we’re all alone, we’re all together in something.” At the end of this conversation I want to stare intently into this individuals eyes and tell him or her that I was nobody but myself my whole life.

Thought Refuge

It seems as if I am constantly reassuring myself that things are going to get better. And yet I wish that I did not have to reassure myself every morning, and every night. I do not want sleep to be my only escape for the rest of my life. When I am awake, I cannot escape from myself. These thoughts never seem to cease, and yet it is the same thoughts that run through my mind every single day. I am tired of searching, why can't I just be found. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant and simple-minded. I wish I could spend at least one minute of my day without any thoughts. It is about time I stopped worrying and started living. I have to build a dam around my heart just to keep these emotions from storming into what I have already built up. And let me tell you my dam is not as strong as it once was. Who is going to be there for me when I need help getting myself off the ground when my dam breaks? I just want to be able to accept what is and what will be. I am sick and tired of things falling into place only to have them ripped from my griping hands. What's the point of living with an open heart--an overflowing one, at that--and an open, understanding mind? Why, if it only hurts me in the end?

Lost time is never found again

Life expectancy for a male and female in the United States is estimated to be seventy five years. One year has three hundred and sixty five days in it, one week has seven, one day has twenty four hours in it, and the average dream lasts a total of three seconds. Time is of the essence in our short lives. We must not take what we have for granted because the clock never stops ticking. Even I am guilty for letting time pass through my hands like sand. We still have time for change however. I believe it is time we stop waging war and start waging peace. I think it's time to take the politicians out of politics. I think it's time to take the celebrities out of the spotlight. And I think it's time for everyday people to rise to the occasion and get an opinion. It is about time we extend our hands to the fallen, and live for the lost. As morbid as it sounds we can sleep when were dead, it is now that was must live. The average dream lasts a total of three seconds. I hope mine lasts longer.

Self Thought

I'm not sure there is a deeper meaning behind what life is, maybe what is now, is all there is. There isn't and doesn't need to be an answer for everything.

"Maybe we just exist, we live, we die, and we are gone forever.
And I would be okay with that.
So that's why I'm making this one count."
- Bonnie

I write from a place of self thought. I'm a believer in self. I get my strength from within. I do what I believe is right, not to impress you, not for you to like me, not for you to judge. I think for myself. It's my right, I'm going to breathe while the air is clean, and live while I'm still alive. I don't know why I think the way I do sometimes. I scare myself. I guess I'm just used to being the Jonny that everybody knows. The sometimes funny sometimes not and always loving person I've become. I take peoples words to heart. I think it's about time that I found something that's worth living for. I want to be passionate enough to die fighting for it. But I don't have it all figured out, and I know I don't. As one of my favorite authors once said; Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct.

Carpe diem

Lets face it we can only seize the day for so long. We have to at some point start thinking about what lies ahead of us. John M. Richardson, Jr. states his look on the future he believes that when it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened. I am going to be the one that makes it happen. Often people worry about the journey ahead of them but if you recall moments of the past you can absorb the lessons and experiences learned and invest them into your future. Don't look to person to the left or right of you to guide you to success or happiness. At some point you have to realize that your on your own. As frightening as it may be you're alone no matter what. As juvenile as it sounds you have to make goals for yourself. I for one have made a goal for myself, it is to make someones life just that much easier, to ease the pain of an individual, to make rough times not so rough. I want to be a psychologist, and I'm willing to go that extra mile to achieve so. They say to make your goals achievable and realistic. Maybe mine is one of great multitude, but I'm going to make it happen. We have to at some point look to the future; it is after all where we will be spending the rest of our lives.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life

I've always told myself that before I pass away I want to have changed, fixed, or made something better in todays society. I want to make sure my name is instilled into the hearts and minds of those still living when my time comes. I don't mean to write about depressing things but this has been on my mind and I want to get it out. As you can tell I have lots of things on my mind, and this is just one of the many. I guess I really started thinking about death when I read that no American has died of old age since 1951, that just shows what kind of a society we live in. We no longer can die naturally, and that frightens me. I always find myself telling people how much they mean to me, I really enjoy telling people how important they are. I think it's my way of making sure people don't forget what I think of them. I often find myself telling people that they are amazing and not to let anyone tell them different, and I stand by that. All of us are amazing, even if you think your not, you are in someones eyes. It's a good idea to tell people as many times as possible what they mean to you because you'll never know when or if you'll see that person again. I read a quote the other day that stated...

"Yesterday is History.
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That's why we call it the PRESENT."

And that is honestly how I try to live my life.
Forget the past,
and don't worry about the future,
Just live today.
Remember we wont be here forever.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

I wish that I could show people what I see. I wish that you could see inside my head and view my dreams and my experiences. I do not expect you to feel or think the same way as I do, but sometimes the words are just not enough. Maybe I am lying to you and myself. Maybe I really want you to see so that you can understand, so that you can see who I truly am. Or am I just loosing my mind with thought?

Live, and let live

Over time it seems we accumulate,
An abundance of thoughts,
A shattered heart,
A gleaming smile here and there,
A toss and turn in the night,
Awkwardness followed with chattering laughter,
Time seems to pass so quickly,
But even after all of this what does it all mean,
What mission do we have to fulfill when entering into this world?
Ah, it is to Laugh, and let laugh,
Smile, and let smile,
Cry, and let cry.
Breathe, and let breathe.
Give, and let give.
Be, and let be.
Live, and let live.
It is the order in which these take place that make you an individual.
So live the life you want to be remembered for.

People living deeply have no fear of death

Often times in our life we are asked the question “If you could have a super power, what would it be?“ To me the answer to that question is easy. I would love the power of reading thoughts and having others read mine. I often find it difficult to express my thoughts and feelings in words, so allowing others to see within me would help me to express myself more openly. In my blog you will get the chance to have the super power of reading minds. You will get the chance to look into the head of an optimistic young teen, whom sees equality in everyone, believes we all have a fate, and believes we all will find a special someone. The mind of a teen with morals, hope, and love. This is my blog. This is who I am.

Optimism

Through life there are many lessons that help shape our character and mold us into people. These lessons you cannot possibly learn in school and you take them as they come, and never forget them. They come from our everyday experiences where we encounter the hustle and bustle of the day. They teach you right from wrong, how to live, and how to belong in today’s society, but most of all they teach you about yourself. These lessons will stick with you forever, and will help you to find true happiness within. If there is one lesson that all should learn it is that life has its difficulties, and all though times may be rough, they will get better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. As long as you hold your head high, and look to the sky things will always have a positive outcome. Optimism is one thing all should have; it will keep a smile on your face and help you make it through the day. Optimism is the foundation of courage, hope, and happiness. This lesson has made me stronger, kept me going, and has followed me through life thus far. It is one of those lessons you teach yourself. A teacher cannot possibly teach you how to live your life. It is up top you to live it with optimism. To be able to know you are indispensable in this world, will be the encouragement you need to strive for true happiness.

"If Only"

“If only”
By: Jonny

Fingers interlocking,
Hearts throbbing,
Eyes glistening,
When I hold you, I am complete.

The stuttering in my voice and awkwardness in my smile,
Is because I can’t control myself when I’m around you,
My heart takes over.

I walked you home one night, what a cold night it was.
I wrapped you in my arms and told you I would never let go.
The dim streetlights were all that guided us to your apartment.

When we arrived,
We stood at the entrance and starred into each other’s eyes.

A drop, a drop of rain fell from the sky and landed on your forehead.
We did not even blink,
We stood there as clouds dumped buckets of rain onto us.
Nothing could tare us apart.
We both looked up and starred at the starry night sky and in an instant,
My alarm went off.

If only I was lucky enough to have a romance like that.

Behind the Mask

Jonny tried to live a life of few regrets. In his head, he was a simple teen who had simple pleasures. Unfortunately, our dear Jonny was fooling himself. He was a more complex individual than he gave himself credit for and his needs exceeded him. If you had the ability to look inside Jonny’s head, if you could explore the archives of his inner thoughts and feelings, you would know just who Jonny really is. He walks the halls of school wondering what lives the people around him live. He spends his lunch watching kids eat alone and wonders why someone has to endure, what some call a social outing, in the lonesome. An overwhelming feeling of sadness comes upon him while observing. He contemplates what others think of him, but knows that their opinion has no value. He knows that who he truly is, is someone most do not know. He laughs and makes jokes with his friends, they smile, and share a few moments together. When he returns home, he does his daily routine, which is the norm of most teenagers. The one thing that seems to always be with him is his thoughts. Sometimes his thoughts catch up with him and he feels as if he cannot get them straight. Jonathan wishes he could spill his thoughts onto an isle and create a masterpiece with them, just so he can see the true meaning behind the mask.

"A thousand thoughts a minute"

“A thousand thoughts a minute”

[Inspiration for blog title]

By: Jonny

A life, a life so imperfect.
However, I am not one to complain, nor stray away from moving forward.
Things bring me down, down so low that I feel as if I am underground.
Thoughts of life fill my head without control.
I might just reach my toll.

Nevertheless, keep it together.
Do not cry; hold your head high.
Move forward, never backwards.
You are but a desolate soldier in this war called life.
Never surrender, ever.
You can win this battle.

Wipe away the tears, and put away the fears.
This is nothing but a game and it does not take very many points to win.
Do what needs to be done to get through the day.
And never take life seriously.
No one gets out alive anyways.

We are nothing but teenagers that are made out of clay.
We live day by day being molded into what we soon will be.
Take bumps in the road as the molds of your future.
They will make you.

Nobody is perfect and thinking you are just makes you ignorant.
We all have flaws that make us individuals.
As a heartbroken lonely girl once said,

“Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.”

I may have 1,000 thoughts running through my head a minute but as Charlie once uttered please believe that things are good with me, and even when they are not, they will be soon enough.

In good company

It is a warm summer night. My family is asleep, my friends are out doing who knows what and the only thing keeping me company is my thoughts. I do not know why I am here. Am I even here for a reason? I would like to think I am, but then again no one really knows why were put onto this earth, or even placed into this species. If I had it my way, I would be something less stressful like a goldfish. We have so many choices to make from the moment we rise out of bed until we rest ours heads. We are constantly judging others around us. Even if you deny it, you are. We all really want one thing; happiness. Do not ask me how to get it, or find it. I am still searching myself. I like to think everyone in this world has a heart. I do not think everyone really wants to cause harm or hatred onto someone, but I have a feeling I am wrong. What is wrong with us? Sometimes seeing others act in hate gets me sick to my stomach. I think we watch movies about love and happiness just so we can pretend were the characters in the film, at least I do. I often ponder what my life will be like when I get out of high school, I think I have high hopes though. I like to think of myself as a good person, but sadly I think good people don’t exist anymore in today’s society, and if they do they’re all living under a bridge somewhere. These rambles almost seem meaningless but they actually help get out frustrations, and it helps keep my thoughts in order. I do not know why I write, but I actually enjoy it. My friend pointed something out the other day she said that she often skips through love songs, acting like she’ll never need them. She said that more than anything, she was running from them. I honestly could not agree with her more. Well I suppose this is it for tonight. I honestly wish someone would sit me down and tell me what the meaning of life is, but I guess I am going to have to find out on my own, Good night.